I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
