Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
