how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
