Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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