Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
