You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
