Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize