They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
