4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
