No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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