i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
