My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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