Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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