But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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