Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize