i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize