Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
