He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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