Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
