I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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