Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
