dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
