I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
