the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
