i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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