I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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