take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
