Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
