It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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