Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
