Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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