Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize