Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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