dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
