i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think i got beer on your cat.
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