U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize