I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
