My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
