lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
