Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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