I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
