watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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