Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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