i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize