Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
