You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
