So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
