How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
