Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
