idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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