3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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