I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
