He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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