wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
