Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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