He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
