Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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