Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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