my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
