Me. At least after what I've been through.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize