Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
