I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
