I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
