I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize