This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
