I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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