I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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