New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
