just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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