That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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