i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
