You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
