please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
