Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
