sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
